Issues in Style: Sentence Length & Format
Originally written 4/14/02

A number of small tricks in the construction of a story's narrative can be employed by an author in order to convey tone and mood. Typically these are transparent to a reader -- and should be transparent. In my own opinion, stylistic tricks should always serve the story, not dominate it. When a story becomes just the vehicle for a display of authorial narrative brilliance, then it descends into chilly tedium. It lacks heart, and a story without heart fails to make a reader care.

Now, that opinion obviously reveals a lot about my own priorities and preferences as a novelist. But regardless of the relative importance of word-smithy to an author, all authors need to have some awareness not only of what one says (the characters, plot, etc.), but of how one says it (the style). Two different writers can describe the same series of events, but in the hands of one, it's pedantic and dull, while the other turns it riveting. That's mastery of the how, not the what.

And to some degree, those things can be learned. While I don't discount 'talent' in writing, a lot of it really is time, experience, attention to detail, and plain practice.

Let me take one of those matters of style -- sentence structure -- and examine how it impacts the way a narrative is read and received.

1) Shorter sentences work better for action, and for powerful emotional impact. Longer sentences work better for introspection. Why? Shorter sentences require less thought to process, and move a story along. When poorly handled, longer sentences contribute to confusion, but even when well constructed, they still always require more thought on the part of the reader ... i.e., they're more intellectual. Thus, shorter sentences sweep a reader along. Shorter sentences also have greater emotional impact. If you want to punch someone in the metaphorical gut, go for short. "Jesus wept," not "Jesus threw himself on the ground, kicking and screaming." (N.B., by long sentences, I mean those with multiple clauses and which take up several lines of printed text.)

2) To keep shorter sentences from sounding repetitive, vary the sentence structure. Alternate the placement of the subject, verb, and predicate. Don't forget the use gerunds and dependent clauses, too (but be sure your dependent clause modifies what it's supposed to modify). One can also use "and" and "but" at the beginnings of sentences, but beware of overuse. (One should vary sentence structure in any case, not just for the short sentences.)

3) Avoid dividing a sentence with a dependent clause unless one wants that choppy, discursive feel. Compare, "A quiet girl by nature, Elizabeth preferred tables in corners and sitting at the back of the class," with, "Elizabeth, a quiet girl by nature, preferred ...." The first is easier to follow. But sometimes one may want the discursive feel of the second. Just be aware that each of those choices lends a certain tone to the work. And if a paragraph feels awkward or convoluted, check the sentence format. A little rearranging may take care of the problem.

4) Don't mistake a long sentence for a run on sentence, and use good punctuation in those long sentences. The em-dash (--) is a wonderful thing, but don't overuse it. They're like italics. Too many em-dashes in a narrative acts like a sledgehammer. Also, beware of the overuse of commas. Now, my own style tends to minimize commas anyway and work with shorter sentences, but too many commas in a sentence will contribute to a choppy feel.

5) A hint: if you're writing an action scene, the use of verb + verbal infinitive is more effective than verb -and- verb. That is: "He GOT in the car TO GO to the store." Not, "He GOT in the care AND WENT to the store."

6) Choose the RIGHT verb or noun instead of modifying them with adjectives and -ly adverbs: pick 'raced' or 'sped' instead of 'ran quickly.' First, remember that shorter sentences have more emotional power, and chopping off extraneous adjectives and adverbs by picking the best noun or verb makes one's sentences shorter. Second, adjectives and adverbs are qualifiers and WEAKEN the noun or verb they modify. One does not have to use fancy 25-cent words that no one knows to get the right noun or verb. Just buy a thesaurus and use it. Let's take "run quickly." We already mentioned 'raced,' and 'sped,' but any of these would also do: careen, dart, dash, fly, hurry, hustle, rush, scamper, scurry, tear off ... And I limited myself only to words that are 7 letters or under and fairly common. Each of those words has more of a flavor (connotation) than the plain "run," or even "run quickly." VIVID language is what makes writing live.

7) Don't overuse incomplete sentences. That's something of a personal preference, but really -- it's annoying. Save it for effect. If overused, it's no longer effect. It's also often CONFUSING. I know some very good writers (including published writers) who use it a lot, but I think their overall narrative suffers, as a result. They'd be even better (imo) if they DIDN'T use it so much.

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These are just some things I've picked up on, over time. I'm sure there are others I'm not thinking of, at the moment. Please also be aware that the overall style in which one writes will also influence one's sentence length. Even so, I think the above tips still stand in helping an author achieve the feel and flow that he or she is seeking.